There’s a scene that has nothing to do with work, but it perfectly illustrates the point:
“Imagine holding a useless object in your hand, something you no longer need. It’s not particularly heavy, yet you keep clutching it. Not because you actually need it, but simply because it’s already there, in your palm. At some point, you realize the object isn’t the problem, It’s the fact that you aren’t letting it go.”
Something very similar happens in the workplace.
During a coaching path, I worked with someone facing a seemingly simple but widespread challenge: giving too much mental space to negative interactions with others. It wasn’t a matter of low self-esteem; on the contrary, this person had a solid sense of self, he felt competent, social, and well-suited for his role.
The problem emerged during disagreements. Specifically, when dealing with colleagues or counterparts who weren’t open to constructive dialogue, people who didn’t listen, took rigid stances, or communicated poorly, the difficulty wasn’t so much managing the moment itself, but what happened afterward.
The conversation would end, but not really. The other person’s words would keep playing on a loop:
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“I should have answered differently.”
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“What he said makes no sense.”
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“Why doesen’t he understand?”
This dynamic is common in organizational settings and it comes at a high price: it drains cognitive energy, reduces focus, and, over time, leads to frustration and stress.
Not every interaction has the same value. One of the key takeaways from our coaching sessions was learning to distinguish between healthy debate and a waste of energy. Not every conversation is a constructive exchange, and not everyone is willing, or able, to sustain a healthy dialogue.
In these cases, pushing the issue isn’t a sign of effective communication; it’s a misdirected investment.
This reminds me of Robert I. Sutton’s book, “The No As***le Rule,” which highlights how toxic behaviors can impact work and how crucial it is not to get sucked in.
What does “letting go” actually mean professionally?
It means recognizing when a conversation is no longer useful, when it’s just about being right rather than understanding each other. It means stopping the investment of energy into trying to convince someone at all costs.
And above all, it means stopping the rumination, preventing that interaction from occupying mental real estate for the rest of the day.
Ultimately, it’s not about giving a better answer, but about choosing when to stop answering. Letting go isn’t about being indifferent; it’s a conscious choice about where to put your time and energy. It’s what distinguishes those who simply react from those who decide.
